Gen 29:11: And Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept.
Jacob was in the well when he first saw Rachael. The first time Jacob met Rachael, he wept. Why? Jacob saw in Rachel what Adam saw, ‘Bone of his Bones’, ‘flesh of his flesh’, his perfect match from heaven. Jacob loved Rachel thus he decided to serve 7 years for her. After the 7 years Jacob asks Laban to give her Rachael but in the evening Laban brought Leah to Jacob and, without knowing its Leah, he went into her. In the morning, Jacob woke up to find that it is Leah he has married. He realized he has got the wrong woman, the wrong spouse.
It’s so disheartening when your morning comes only to find that you married the wrong person so to say after having a flamboyant wedding. The next day divorce will start ringing on your head like the early morning bird chirping near the window. Perhaps your sudden discovery of being married to the wrong person may have been occasioned by unattended misunderstanding that has resulted to multiple problems. And at this time you’ve more than likely thought about any number of the following:
What if I married one of my ex’s instead of my spouse? What would life be like with a working class? What if I had married someone with more of the same recreational interests as me? If only I hadn’t felt pressure from my family to get married. If only I hadn’t gotten married so young. If only I hadn’t gotten my wife pregnant, I could have left her. If only I haven’t gotten pregnant, I could have left him. If only my spouse gave me compliments the way other men or women do. If only my spouse had more of a sex drive. If only I had married someone who was more attractive. If only I had married someone who kept themselves in better shape. If only I was single so I could flirt with and pursue this other man or woman. If only I was single so I could manage my house, schedule, and finances the way I want. If only I had listened to my friend. The list could go on and on.
The truth is that none of these thoughts you are having are real! Each one is a fantasy, a false reality. Each time you ask those questions, you are only depriving your actual reality of much needed attention and investment. And even if you acted on one of your fantasies, making it actually real, it would come with deadly consequences and pain. Acting on these questions is acting as if time travel is real.
The deception beneath all these fantasies is we allowed our challenges to cast fear in our heart which eventually forces us to be convinced we married the wrong person. The truth we must realize is that marriage is not about marrying the right person, it is about being the right person.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman say when you choose whom you will marry, you are choosing the set of perpetual problems you want to deal with for the next 50 years. You could have an affair or get divorced and marry someone else and you’d simply be marrying a different set of perpetual problems.
Marital challenges are as much a part of marriage as wedding rings and anniversaries are. When we say we married the wrong person, we are only saying that because we finally discovered our spouse couldn’t give us what only Jesus can! There is no such thing as marrying the wrong person. There is only marrying the person you married! Love them and invest in them. And when it feels like you’ve married the wrong person, convince yourself of the Love that binds you both. That husband or wife you have awakened to realize she/he is the wrong person you married, the time you married her/him God approved it as your perfect heavenly husband or wife. This is because the two of you have become one flesh and God looks at the two of you and says, ‘perfect’.
The Marriage of Jacob to supposed wrong wife (Leah) gave birth to Judah from whom came Jesus. Even when Jacob died he asked to be buried near Leah (the supposed wrong wife) instead of Rachael. Something good can still be seen in Nazareth.
Nevertheless there are marriages that are doomed and no matter what happens, it will end and never be healed. On the other hand, for many years I’ve seen the healing of marriages that seemingly everyone else has given up on.
Good people sometimes do really stupid things. However, if at heart they are good people, it therefore means they are worth rescuing. It’s your choice, of course, and you can either save your marriage or let it go. Or, if he or she is a good person involved in a bad situation, you can fight to save your marriage. Our experience is that if a good person gets straightened out, not only can the marriage be saved, but it can be stronger and more loving than it was before.
Embrace your marriage, honour and love your spouse despite imperfections. The grass is not greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. Spice up your love story.
Maybe you are in an abusive relationship and have tried all means necessary to restoring your love story and it is not working, feel free to drop your comment and have the privilege of talking with Edgar T.A. He will assist you on what to do. Your Peace is his concern.
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