Problem #1: Jealousy
Jealousy is one of those emotions that eat you from the inside if not handled in the right manner. So, how do you manage your jealousy so that it does not affect your emotional state or your long distance relationship?
Well, the first thing to understand is that jealousy is an instinct that we humans have to protect us from losing the person we love. So, it is totally natural to feel jealous and it’s totally natural to express your jealousy too.
Now, the question is how to express jealousy in the right manner? And the simple answer to this question is that we want to be reasonable about it. We want to avoid the two extremes: ignorance and neediness.
We want to let our partner know when we feel jealous and clarify it together so that it does not “boil” inside your mind. Therefore doing that, instead of trying to repress the feeling, or become over controlling and aggressive as a result.
Now, one more thing to keep in mind is that in a healthy relationship, your partner should avoid as much as possible the situations that could make you jealous. Therefore you need to let your partner know that jealousy is not your favorite emotion, and it’s better for the relationship if she avoids potential jealousy situations.
So, do not repress your jealousy, but express it and clarify it in a calm and collected manner with your partner. But take care; jealousy can also be a symptom of you being too insecure about yourself. In this case, you need to deal first with your insecurities and then the jealousy will be diminishing as a result.
Read the full article for a more comprehensive explanation of how to deal with jealousy: Learn how to overcome jealousy
Problem #2. Constant Fight
We all know that fights and arguments are normal in a relationship. But are they normal when they happen too often and when they lead to a lot of stress and worries? …I believe not!
So, how do we deal with long distance relationship fights in a way that does not make us stressed and restless?
From my experience dealing with fights successfully is all about seeing things from a different perspective than we usually do.
It’s not a war. When we normally start an argument we see each other as two opponents that have an issue to “debate”. Therefore we get angry, maybe yell at each other, blame each other and we forget that we actually have a relationship and that we love each other.
We tend to focus on bringing the right arguments, finding excuses etc. and forget that we are actually in a relationship, and we want to be happy, both of us want that.
So the idea here is: when you’re having an argument to remember that you are both on the same side, it’s not a war, it’s your relationship and the real enemy is the conflict itself, not your partner. Thus you want to work on solving the conflict together rather than blaming each other.
Another piece of advice that I can give you is clarifying a problem or conflict when it arises.Unless is too late in the evening and you’re both tired and can’t think rationally anymore, never end a conversation without clarifying a conflict.
This is important because you don’t want to leave a conflict “in the air” and let it affect both of you for a longer period of time than necessary. As soon as a problem arises, talk it through and don’t end the conversation until you’re both on the same page and things are back to normal.
Problem #3. Fear of Infidelity
And I saved the best for the last. “I am afraid that she’ll fall for someone else!” Or “I am afraid that she’ll cheat on me, and I can’t control it!”
That’s what I hear your “little inner voice” screaming in your head any time you feel a bit insecure.
And you’re not alone. Plus it’s totally normal to feel this way when you're far away from your girlfriend. (by the way, she probably feels the same too) Now how do we deal with the fear of infidelity and how do we make sure to keep her faithful? (million dollar question)
Well from my experience, keeping a woman faithful comes down to two basic principles: “freedom of choice” and “minimizing temptation”. What do they mean?
Freedom of choice.
People tend to like doing what they are told NOT to.
What Freedom of Choice means is that you never force your girl to stay faithful, just the opposite, you give her the freedom to cheat if she feels like it, if she thinks that this what she wants.
But only as long as she takes responsibility for her actions and for the fact that your relationship will end after that. This is a powerful way of dealing with the infidelity issue because it puts the choice in her hands.
It gives her the freedom to do what she wants and does not force her to behave in a specific way.
It’s not you who keeps her from dating, sleeping with other guys, it's herself that decides not to do it because she wants to be with you.
Minimizing Temptation.
This means creating all the conditions so that infidelity would be very unlikely to happen. Would you be more likely to eat a hamburger if you were hungry and the hamburger was in front of you? Or if you had no hamburger what so ever around?
So, you want to make sure that your girlfriend avoids as much as possible putting herself in situations that could potentially lead to infidelity and/or basically creating all the conditions for infidelity NOT to happen.
Problem #4. Uncertainty
To read more about this click here: Learn to cope with uncertainty
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