WEIGH YOUR OPTIONS AND CHOOSE RIGHTLY

Sometimes love comes knocking at the most inopportune times. In which case, you may find yourself loving more than one person at the same time. Both are smart, good looking, God fearing, fun to be with and genuinely good. You wisely continued to maintain both relationships hoping it would become clear who to settle down with but to your surprise, no shining epiphany is coming through instead you find that both are for real. 

When it comes to choosing between multiple crushes, you should make a proper and informed decision. Whether a person is the best fit for you or not is undoubtedly one of the most important decisions of your life because your future depends on it. No one can actually complete you; you just need someone that can accept you completely.

In fact, it can be fun to have multiple crushes or have several guys wanting to date you. The difficult part is weighing all of your great options and just picking one person to share and build a life with. For anyone who’s been in this boat or who’s currently in this boat, the challenge is real. It’s overwhelming, and the stakes can seem quite high. How do you manage the process? Keep in mind that you don’t necessarily need to rush into making a choice, even if you feel the clock is ticking. Don’t try to force something if it’s not quite the right fit just because you want to keep moving forward. You may not be stuck between two men or two ladies but maybe you’re trying to decide what the future holds with one of them. It happens at times that people are overtaken by emotions of love, bliss, and happiness and lose the sense of reason and practicality when making a decision to spend their entire lives with one person. However, a few years down the line, reality sets in and they come to the realization that they are not compatible with their partners. This is a situation that can be avoided. Also, it is never a good idea to build a relationship based on fear, insecurity, or pity because it is an unhealthy one. After a while, unhappiness begins to fester, resentment crops up, and the relationship runs its course.

Inasmuch as prayer is the most appropriate thing to do, I like you to let things evolve organically by listening to your heart, and at the same time using your head rather than getting swayed by emotions. Take both of them off your mind at the moment and try to calibrate your internal compass. Ask yourself what you really need and try to weigh your options. Ensure that this simple exercise of self-talk is not based on competition with your friends, fear, greed, and lust. You must note that your choice is not binary, nor is it permanent. Yes, you love more than one person but that doesn’t mean that these are the only people on the planet.

Knowing what kind of man or lady works best with you comes from a deep sense of knowing who you are, which allows you to know what you want. You must take your time because it’s a painful decision to make. One of the biggest challenges is that you don’t want to hurt the other person when you finally make your choice.

If this is beyond you, don’t hesitate to seek help by sending us a message.

You can share your experience here with us on how you handled a similar situation.

I AM SO LOSING MY MIND

Do you really worry to the point of losing sleep at night, develop stomach ulcer, or high blood pressure? I'm not sure you have checked your BP in a long while. You stay up late at night rolling on your bed with no sleep in your eyes, suddenly, you find yourself trying to suppress your worries by scrolling through Facebook, visiting pornographic sites, masturbating, taking drugs and so on. Unfortunately, all of these channels you are using in an attempt to suppress your worries turn out to be the virus that is gradually shutting down your immune system unknown to you. Too much Worry leads to all kind of health problems ranging from depression, dementia and so on.

Worry arises because you realize that you cannot predict what is going to happen tomorrow and know that you cannot have full control over how events turn out. You are uncomfortable with not having absolute certainty. You fret over the same details repeatedly.

Are you worried because you bed-wet? have a poor erection? uncontrolled temperament? smelling breath? the wrinkles on your face? uncontrolled sex drive? Pressure from parents to get married? Your looks? Sometimes no matter how hard you try, nobody recognises your effort.

When you Worry too much you deny yourself the opportunity of living your moment in freedom. It affects how you relate to yourself and others, stifles your relationship with God and interferes with your mental, physical and spiritual stability. Instead of suppressing your worries, you need to face them head-on.

Whatsoever is responsible for your worries, I like you to know that you are not alone dear. Its not enough to just tell you to let go and cast your anxiety unto the Lord, we need to walk you through it so please do send us message or connect with our "listening command center" via Whatsapp 08058154652 and have the privilege of speaking with Edgar T.A. Your healing begins the moment we receive your message. 

We are winning together!!

4 Critical Relationship Problems Solved

Problem #1: Jealousy

Jealousy is one of those emotions that eat you from the inside if not handled in the right manner. So, how do you manage your jealousy so that it does not affect your emotional state or your long distance relationship?

Well, the first thing to understand is that jealousy is an instinct that we humans have to protect us from losing the person we love. So, it is totally natural to feel jealous and it’s totally natural to express your jealousy too.

Now, the question is how to express jealousy in the right manner? And the simple answer to this question is that we want to be reasonable about it. We want to avoid the two extremes: ignorance and neediness.

We want to let our partner know when we feel jealous and clarify it together so that it does not “boil” inside your mind. Therefore doing that, instead of trying to repress the feeling, or become over controlling and aggressive as a result.

Now, one more thing to keep in mind is that in a healthy relationship, your partner should avoid as much as possible the situations that could make you jealous. Therefore you need to let your partner know that jealousy is not your favorite emotion, and it’s better for the relationship if she avoids potential jealousy situations.

So, do not repress your jealousy, but express it and clarify it in a calm and collected manner with your partner. But take care; jealousy can also be a symptom of you being too insecure about yourself. In this case, you need to deal first with your insecurities and then the jealousy will be diminishing as a result.

Read the full article for a more comprehensive explanation of how to deal with jealousy: Learn how to overcome jealousy

Problem #2. Constant Fight

We all know that fights and arguments are normal in a relationship. But are they normal when they happen too often and when they lead to a lot of stress and worries? …I believe not!

So, how do we deal with long distance relationship fights in a way that does not make us stressed and restless?

From my experience dealing with fights successfully is all about seeing things from a different perspective than we usually do.

It’s not a war. When we normally start an argument we see each other as two opponents that have an issue to “debate”. Therefore we get angry, maybe yell at each other, blame each other and we forget that we actually have a relationship and that we love each other.

We tend to focus on bringing the right arguments, finding excuses etc. and forget that we are actually in a relationship, and we want to be happy, both of us want that.

So the idea here is: when you’re having an argument to remember that you are both on the same side, it’s not a war, it’s your relationship and the real enemy is the conflict itself, not your partner. Thus you want to work on solving the conflict together rather than blaming each other.

Another piece of advice that I can give you is clarifying a problem or conflict when it arises.Unless is too late in the evening and you’re both tired and can’t think rationally anymore, never end a conversation without clarifying a conflict.

This is important because you don’t want to leave a conflict “in the air” and let it affect both of you for a longer period of time than necessary. As soon as a problem arises, talk it through and don’t end the conversation until you’re both on the same page and things are back to normal.

Problem #3. Fear of Infidelity

And I saved the best for the last. “I am afraid that she’ll fall for someone else!” Or “I am afraid that she’ll cheat on me, and I can’t control it!”

That’s what I hear your “little inner voice” screaming in your head any time you feel a bit insecure.

And you’re not alone. Plus it’s totally normal to feel this way when you're far away from your girlfriend. (by the way, she probably feels the same too) Now how do we deal with the fear of infidelity and how do we make sure to keep her faithful? (million dollar question)

Well from my experience, keeping a woman faithful comes down to two basic principles: “freedom of choice” and “minimizing temptation”. What do they mean?

Freedom of choice.

People tend to like doing what they are told NOT to.

What Freedom of Choice means is that you never force your girl to stay faithful, just the opposite, you give her the freedom to cheat if she feels like it, if she thinks that this what she wants.

But only as long as she takes responsibility for her actions and for the fact that your relationship will end after that. This is a powerful way of dealing with the infidelity issue because it puts the choice in her hands.

It gives her the freedom to do what she wants and does not force her to behave in a specific way.

It’s not you who keeps her from dating, sleeping with other guys, it's herself that decides not to do it because she wants to be with you.

Minimizing Temptation.

This means creating all the conditions so that infidelity would be very unlikely to happen. Would you be more likely to eat a hamburger if you were hungry and the hamburger was in front of you? Or if you had no hamburger what so ever around?

So, you want to make sure that your girlfriend avoids as much as possible putting herself in situations that could potentially lead to infidelity and/or basically creating all the conditions for infidelity NOT to happen.

Problem #4. Uncertainty

To read more about this click here: Learn to cope with uncertainty

The Only Way To Overcome Jealousy!

The Only Way To Overcome Jealousy!

Here’s the reality:  excessive jealousy is poison for a relationship. It can really turn to ashes an otherwise perfect relationship.

I’ve seen hundreds of women say:

“I love him so much, he’s the man of my dreams and I’d never cheat on him, but he’s just so jealous, I simply can’t take it anymore!” 

However the funny and also confusing thing about jealousy is that the guy, for example, tends to accuse his girlfriend of making him jealous, while his girlfriend tends to accuse him of being too crazy and insecure about himself.

So the question is – Whose fault it is?

And my answer would be – both and nobody’s.

I believe that there are 2 sources of jealousy:

1. Our partner’s behavior, and
2. Our own fears and insecurities.

My philosophy on jealousy is that our partner’s behavior is the main trigger for jealousy, while our fears and insecurities are what usually amplify and constantly revive the emotion of jealousy.

And the good news is that no matter what the source of jealousy is, it can be controlled and expressed in a healthy and non aggressive way when we understand the mechanism behind it.

Therefore, from my perspective we can approach the idea of overcoming jealousy from three key angles.

3 Keys to Overcoming Jealousy

1. First of all, creating a foundation in your relationship for jealousy to be less frequent, which I’ll call “working on your partner”.

This step includes, among other things, getting on the same page with your partner that jealousy is a natural instinct that all humans have, and that she has a certain role to play as well in how much jealous you are. Therefore, for both of you to have a happy relationship it’s important that she avoids as much as possible giving you reasons to be jealous.

2. Second of all, dealing with your own fears and insecurities, which I’ll call “working on yourself”.

Here, you want to become more self-confident through the help of the right exercises; then you want to stop comparing yourself to other men; you also want to understand human nature and the fact that your girlfriend needs to socialize with other people (yes, even with men), and that she’ll also like other guys too because we humans like and appreciate beauty in all of its forms – but this doesn’t mean that we don’t appreciate the person we have a relationship with.

3. And third of all, learning how to control the aggressive impulse of jealousy and how to express jealousy in a mature and healthy way when we feel it, which I’ll call “working on jealousy” itself.

The truth is that no matter how much we’ll work on our partner and on ourselves, there will still be times, fewer and less intense, though, when we’ll feel jealous – because it’s part of being human. And in those moments it’s important to know how to let go of jealousy. A good rule of thumb that I could give you is the following:

Question your jealousy first, before you question your partner!

When you approach the issue of overcoming jealousy from these 3 KEY angles you’ll take the green eyed jealousy monster by it’s tale and kick it out of your love life for good!

Butterflies in Your Stomach: Season 1

Many of us are familiar with the term anxiety. It is a feeling of unease, such as worry, fear or nervousness that can be mild or severe typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome such as saying yes to that handsome guy’s marital or dating proposal. Relationships are one of those situations where the variables are unpredictable. We can never know for sure what the future holds. We have many hopes, ideas, expectations of what this journey of love with another person may bring, but we can’t know or predict any of these outcomes with absolute confidence hence we express fear which often plaques our confidence to stay faithful with one lover. It is the cause of double-dating game, therefore, it is important to learn how to tolerate and cope with the foreign irritant known as uncertainty so you won’t become lost in an attempt at enforcing certainty.

The butterflies in our stomach cause us to have more than likely thought about any number of the following: “am I enough?”, “will you still love me if…?”, “what if I open up to you and you decide to leave?”, “what if I get hurt or rejected?” what if I get killed? What if you get broke or lose your job tomorrow? All of which have no definite guarantee or answer. Relationships require work, risk, and vulnerability.

You can learn to cope with uncertainty by:

1. Learning about Yourself. This is an enlightening experience that exposes you to your unique self, not a borrowed self-premised on faking a story about what you are not. In learning about yourself you become self-sufficient and confident. To learn about yourself visit our listening command center via Whatsapp 08058154652

 2. You must trust an Unknown future to a Known God that controls the unknown. His name is Jesus Christ. Never underestimate the place of prayer and moment spent with Him.

3. Focus on what you can control: anxiety pushes us to automatically put on our mental magnifying glass to search for all of the possible negative outcomes. We end up focusing on questions like “What if he or she suddenly stop liking me?”, “What if he or she leaves?”… etc, generally focusing on worst-case outcomes that leave us frightened, insecure and ultimately forces us to put on an unreal self. When you shift your focus to what you can control, you regain your power in the situation. You are no longer a helpless passenger on a rollercoaster ride; you become the driver and have the ability to accelerate, slow down or go a different route.  Things you can control in a relationship include:

·     How much you share about yourself and when (sharing too much too soon can progress things too quickly)

·         How quickly you become sexually involved. You shouldn’t even engage in pre-marital sex.

·         How much time you spend thinking about the person (constantly dwelling on hopes and expectations can rob your objectivity and your power)

·         Maintaining your own sense of self (keeping up with your own life, activities, etc.)

4. Learning how to take calculated risks: When getting to know someone it is helpful to assess the risk of opening your heart. For me, a risk assessment contains some of these questions:

·         Are they looking for commitment?

·         Do they have the same values as me?

·         Are they dependable/reliable?

·         Are they emotionally available/ present?

·         Are previous relationships still present in their life?

·         Do they respect the speed I am willing to go in the relationship?

·         Are we compatible?

If there are many negative responses to this risk assessment, I may decide that it is too risky for me to continue in the relationship. If most responses are positive but I am unsure about one or two areas then I may proceed with caution. You may assess risk differently; nevertheless, it is important not to gamble with your heart. Make sure to size up your opponent to determine what your next move should be.

5. Focusing on realistic outcomes:

I find people either have overly optimistic or overly pessimistic ideas about how a relationship will play out. We either place all of our hopes and expectations on the new relationship or sabotage ourselves by expecting the worst-case outcome. Both can be equally detrimental and have huge effects on our approach and ability to cope when things don’t go as expected. The solution is to try to take a realistic approach to relationships.

Realistically:

You won’t be compatible with everyone. Just because you aren’t compatible with someone doesn’t mean you aren’t loveable or won’t find love. Not all relationships end in disaster. Not all relationships result in marriage. Your past relationships don’t have to determine the outcome of your future relationships.

Please share to bless a soul 

It's Dead

Your past hurts, and broken relationships do not have the right to thrive in your present.

Expensive Wedding Yet Married To The Wrong Person

Expensive Wedding yet Married To the Wrong Person}

Gen 29:11: And Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept.

Jacob was in the well when he first saw Rachael. The first time Jacob met Rachael, he wept. Why? Jacob saw in Rachel what Adam saw, ‘Bone of his Bones’, ‘flesh of his flesh’, his perfect match from heaven. Jacob loved Rachel thus he decided to serve 7 years for her. After the 7 years Jacob asks Laban to give her Rachael but in the evening Laban brought Leah to Jacob and, without knowing its Leah, he went into her. In the morning, Jacob woke up to find that it is Leah he has married. He realized he has got the wrong woman, the wrong spouse.

It’s so disheartening when your morning comes only to find that you married the wrong person so to say after having a flamboyant wedding. The next day divorce will start ringing on your head like the early morning bird chirping near the window. Perhaps your sudden discovery of being married to the wrong person may have been occasioned by unattended misunderstanding that has resulted to multiple problems. And at this time you’ve more than likely thought about any number of the following:
What if I married one of my ex’s instead of my spouse?  What would life be like with a working class? What if I had married someone with more of the same recreational interests as me? If only I hadn’t felt pressure from my family to get married. If only I hadn’t gotten married so young. If only I hadn’t gotten my wife pregnant, I could have left her. If only I haven’t gotten pregnant, I could have left him. If only my spouse gave me compliments the way other men or women do. If only my spouse had more of a sex drive. If only I had married someone who was more attractive. If only I had married someone who kept themselves in better shape. If only I was single so I could flirt with and pursue this other man or woman.  If only I was single so I could manage my house, schedule, and finances the way I want. If only I had listened to my friend. The list could go on and on.

The truth is that none of these thoughts you are having are real!  Each one is a fantasy, a false reality.  Each time you ask those questions, you are only depriving your actual reality of much needed attention and investment. And even if you acted on one of your fantasies, making it actually real, it would come with deadly consequences and pain. Acting on these questions is acting as if time travel is real.

The deception beneath all these fantasies is we allowed our challenges to cast fear in our heart which eventually forces us to be convinced we married the wrong person.  The truth we must realize is that marriage is not about marrying the right person, it is about being the right person.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman say when you choose whom you will marry, you are choosing the set of perpetual problems you want to deal with for the next 50 years. You could have an affair or get divorced and marry someone else and you’d simply be marrying a different set of perpetual problems.

Marital challenges are as much a part of marriage as wedding rings and anniversaries are. When we say we married the wrong person, we are only saying that because we finally discovered our spouse couldn’t give us what only Jesus can! There is no such thing as marrying the wrong person.  There is only marrying the person you married!  Love them and invest in them. And when it feels like you’ve married the wrong person, convince yourself of the Love that binds you both. That husband or wife you have awakened to realize she/he is the wrong person you married, the time you married her/him God approved it as your perfect heavenly husband or wife. This is because the two of you have become one flesh and God looks at the two of you and says, ‘perfect’.

The Marriage of Jacob to supposed wrong wife (Leah) gave birth to Judah from whom came Jesus. Even when Jacob died he asked to be buried near Leah (the supposed wrong wife) instead of Rachael. Something good can still be seen in Nazareth.

Nevertheless there are marriages that are doomed and no matter what happens, it will end and never be healed. On the other hand, for many years I’ve seen the healing of marriages that seemingly everyone else has given up on.
Good people sometimes do really stupid things. However, if at heart they are good people, it therefore means they are worth rescuing. It’s your choice, of course, and you can either save your marriage or let it go. Or, if he or she is a good person involved in a bad situation, you can fight to save your marriage. Our experience is that if a good person gets straightened out, not only can the marriage be saved, but it can be stronger and more loving than it was before.

Embrace your marriage, honour and love your spouse despite imperfections. The grass is not greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. Spice up your love story.


Maybe you are in an abusive relationship and have tried all means necessary to restoring your love story and it is not working, feel free to drop your comment and have the privilege of talking with Edgar T.A. He will assist you on what to do. Your Peace is his concern.

You can connect with our Listenning Command Center via Whatsapp +2348058454652

SOUL TIE is a FALSE THEORY

The theory of soul tie is unfounded and has no biblical backing. It’s an overly complex human theory that was fabricated through ignorance and has lingered for years. We have believed and lived a lie that has held us captive for long even till now. Some have even gone for deliverance because they are made to believe that they under the influence of some kind of mystical bond called soul tie. Some also have remained in an ungodly relationship under the guise that their soul is entwined.

The phrase soul tie is a man-made idea which some teachers superimpose onto scripture in an attempt to explain certain human behaviours.

Soul ties are said to be a mystical bond, the binding of souls between at least two people, a concept that has no bases in scripture.

False teachers point to passages like 1Samuel 18:1, which says David’s soul was “knit” to Jonathan’s soul, or 1Corinthians 6:16, which commands believers not to engage in sexual sin, to support their improper interpretation. They claim these passages are examples of knitting souls together, but their claim is not supported by a proper interpretation of the text. Rather, this is a classic case of false teaching distorting the true meaning of scripture to promulgate strange myths built upon speculation (see 1Tim 1:4).

In the case of David and Jonathan, Jonathan felt great affection and admiration for David, recognizing him to be the future king of Israel (his soul was “knit” to David) is simply a way of expressing Jonathan’s total commitment to, and deep friendship with David. It is a lifelong earthly bond, not a spiritual bond. In the case of 1Corinthians 6:16 Paul warns believers not to become “one-flesh” with prostitutes through an act of sexual immorality. Notice Paul’s concern was that of becoming one flesh, not one soul. He was describing the life-long bond of marriage, not a special spiritual union.

The Bible does not allow for the existence of a "soul tie." Genesis 2:24 says that a married couple becomes "one flesh," not one soul. Jesus said that there is no marriage in heaven (Matthew 22:30), which would not be the case if people were joined in their souls.

There are two scenarios I want to describe that paints the picture of soul tie but not necessarily mean their soul is tied.

1. The closer two people are, the more they get used to and develop an addiction to the hormones the other naturally emits. Dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, and vasopressin all combine to make us "emotionally connected. God allowed this so that married couples develop even closer relationships. It doesn't mean their soul are tied in some kind of mystical bond.

2. psychological obsession. Romantic obsessions are based on what we think of the other person. This does not necessarily have anything to do with reality, and it's foolish to expect someone to be what we want them to be rather than who they are.

A close relationship can feel like a "soul tie." But even the closest relationship based on personality and mutual love does not mean the two souls are entwined. Sometimes the concept of "soul ties" is used as an excuse to indulge in an ungodly obsession. Feeling like your soul is tied is not an excuse to stay in a relationship that is unbiblical. And it is not some insurmountable force that constrains us to sin. It's just an excuse to stay in sin. Instead of using "soul ties" as a rationalization, we should deal with the sin (1 John 1:9).

The Bible teaches that a believer's soul is united with Christ alone and with no one else. Not even in marriage do we unite spiritually with another person. Marriage unites a husband and wife in flesh only until the death of the body according to Romans 7. Our soul is Christ’s alone.  All other relationships, no matter how close, are a combination of physiological response to chemicals, mutual interest, natural affinity, or sinful obsession.

-Edgar T.A

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Sources: versebyverseministry.org, compellingtruth.org