He Doesn't Want To Propose
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Most men do not associate the giving of their body with the giving of their heart, but women tend to tie the two together. A real woman gives her body only when there is a safe sense of affection and when she is ready to give herself spiritually. It cannot be demanded or paid for. It comes only when she gives it freely and on her terms. She values herself so much to be passed around from man to man. She knows her body and her heart are two jewels in the same crown. She will give that crown only to a man who is worthy. She will give it to a prince.

A young man may be very eager to love her but be terrified to make a commitment that would require him to give his heart. If she asks him to promise undying sex, he would respond without a second thought but when she asks him to promise undying love, he would suddenly develop ants in his emotional pant. He chases women as a hobby rather than risking having a relationship. He is often afraid and intimidated by the expense of an emotional commitment. He wants the coke, but afraid of the cost. It is much easier for him to give his money, his body, his advice but terrified about giving his heart. He goes around frolicking without sharing his heart yet wondering why he is never satisfied. To find satisfaction, he even has more sex. This becomes a problem when he is married. He promised to love and exchanged vows at the altar yet he fears to commit his heart. Then, when he feels the marriage is boring, he looks for fulfillment outside. The bitter part is that he doesn’t realize he is doing something wrong. These kinds of a man are usually the victim of an unhealthy upbringing and traumatic experiences that left them wounded. He must heal completely if he desires to feel safe in her arms.

Do you feel the man I just described fits into the one sitting next to you? You have been dating for months but no sign that he is ready to be committed. Don’t try to offer him more sex in an attempt to make him feel safe to propose unless you want to live all your life on the bed. There is no simple way to deal with such a situation. I suggest both of you seek a professional help or feel free to send us a message via edta34joy@gmail.com or drop your comment to have a real-time session with Edgar T.A if you have tried all means necessary to have him to propose meanwhile never force a man to propose otherwise you won’t like the look of the other side.

This thing called marriage is not a career and your worth is never tied to it so don’t try to kill yourself over it.

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In love with Davido

In love with Davido
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Have you found yourself locked away in an ocean of fake hopes, crushing on a footballer, Nollywood, Bollywood, Hollywood actresses or actors, a BET award winner, a preacher, a friend’s husband or wife? Yes! a friend’s spouse. Falling in love is easy but when it comes to falling for someone who will never be yours is a heart-rending process. A process where your soul cries out for a miracle to happen even though you know it will never happen. A process where you’re watching the one you love cherishing someone else yet you keep on loving with no awe. It sometimes become so intense to the extent of having his or her pictures sitting on an 8gb space on your phone, in your room, and it can even lead to masturbating most of the time with his or her picture. You keep on wishing with eyes filled with dreams yet shed tears of pain. A smile of happiness yet a masquerade of buried mysteries. With Unspoken words waiting to be heard and a crater of questions craving for answers. This experience has kept you living life like a candle in the wind never knowing whom to cling to when the rain sets in. Your life is now connected to each and every beat of his or her heart. He or she is the only one with whom you want to walk this beautiful journey of life. No other soul can ever own his or her throne in your heart. The pain is real. The feeling is deep. And it cuts you to a point where you’re on your knees crying alone. Now here you are, stuck in a maze with two exits, holding on and letting go.

This is a very difficult moment for you as your heart just can’t seem to accommodate another person. Every other person coming to date you just don’t seem to understand why all their efforts to make things work out with you ends in deadlock. Don’t you think It’s high time you started to replace the future scenario in your head and create a new ideal future that doesn’t involve that person you are crushing on? I know you have been trying so hard but now I got your back. All of the love you have channeled to the wrong people, it will find its way back to you.

You can send a mail via edta34joy@gmail.com or drop your comment and let’s walk together through the letting go exits. Hence forth you won’t be lost in a crowed where everything looks blurry.

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Burden of Hate

Have you noticed your sudden dislike and hate for that person who should have been dear to you yet you pretend to like him or her? You shut every opportunity that will have you be a part of his or her success. Oh! You feel you don’t know why you are having such negative feelings? Maybe deep inside, you know but you don’t wanna accept, you just wanna keep looking for faults in him or her to justify your negative feelings. Let me quickly draw your attention to a few reasons you are nursing such hate in your heart.

Did you notice that you started having such negative feelings when you saw that he or she gets more attention from people, loved and preferred than you? You also started nursing that hate in your heart when you got an unverified report about him or her from haters, and that moment when you realized that you are no match to his or her abilities. You discovered you just can’t grasp his or her uniqueness, you suddenly settle for hate as your defense. You started creating your own little drama out of jealousy. Now let me ask you; are you really comfortable with that burden in your heart called hate? Can you see you are the only one suffering because it doesn’t affect the other person? Maybe your hate will soon degenerate to the point the person will know you hate him or her but you will be shocked at the person’s response because some people have grown in the Lord to the point where they comfortably accommodate hate and insult without being moved by it.

Now you alone, wallowing in pain, the pain of hate that only you can solve, by choosing to love, supporting and knowing that we are products of love. Martin Luther King Jr. said “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear”. It is hard to hate someone when you understand them. The moment you start disliking or hating someone everything they do annoys you even when they sneeze.

If you say you hate him because he betrayed you or hate you too then you are no different from him. Love is our greatest defense against hatred. You must note this, except you have the love of God you can never really love.

-Edgar T.A

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WHAT WE KNOW THAT THE ANGELS WISH THEY KNEW.

WE ARE SO PRIVILEGED.

1 Peter 1:10-12

“Concerning this salvation, the prophets, who spoke of the grace that was to come to you, searched intently and with the greatest care, trying to find out the time and circumstances to which the Spirit of Christ in them was pointing when he predicted the sufferings of Christ and the glories that would follow. It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves but you, when they spoke of the things that have now been told you by those who have preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. Even angels long to look into these things” (I Peter 1:10-12).

At first glance, this seems to be a strange text. Its meaning is not entirely clear upon a brief or cursory reading. So let me begin with a bit of Bible trivia. This is the only place in the Bible where angels and prophets are mentioned together. That’s fascinating because the Bible says a lot about angels and a lot about prophets, but only here do we have them in the same text. If you study what Peter wrote, you realize that he has a lot to say about prophets, and only one tantalizing detail about the angels. So this is 95% about the prophets and 5% about the angels. Let’s begin with the prophets.

Who were they? The prophets were the men in the Old Testament whom God chose to be his spokesmen on earth. They were like a reminder from heaven: “Now a word from our Creator.” The prophets had two primary jobs: 1) They proclaimed God’s Word, and 2) They predicted future events. Peter’s concern is with #2, the prophets as predictors of the future. He wants us to know that though they predicted the coming of Christ, they did not understand all that they predicted. I like to think of the prophets as archers who shot “arrows of truth” up into the air. Isaiah shot his “arrows of truth,” Daniel shot his “arrows of truth,” Moses shot his “arrows of truth,” and Ezekiel shot his “arrows of truth,” and so on. I picture the prophets pulling back the prophetic bowstring and watching those “arrows of truth” as they disappeared into the sky. The prophets shot them so high and so far that they disappeared over the horizon, and the prophets themselves had no idea when those “arrows of truth” would hit the ground.

Here is the flow of the passage:

1) The prophets predicted the coming of Christ.

2) The apostles and the early church preached Christ to everyone.

3) The angels long to understand the salvation Christ brings.

4) We now know what the prophets never knew, and we experience what the angels wish they knew.

That’s the passage and the message. I believe there is a vitally important message from God if we will closely consider what Peter is saying to us. Before going any further, let me give you one word and have you write this word in your mind, as a kind of summary for the whole passage. It’s the word “privilege.” Peter is overwhelmed with the great privilege of being a Christian, and that’s what this passage is all about. Hold that word in your mind because we’ll come back to it at the end of the sermon. 

I. Predicted by the Prophets

Our text tells us four things about the prophets and their prophecies:

A) They predicted the coming of Christ. Did you know there are over 300 separate prophecies in the Old Testament relating to the coming of Christ? That’s 300 arrows shot up in the air, by many different men, in many different places, over a 1,500-year period. And all those arrows “fell” on Jesus. 

Those “arrows of truth” landed on Jesus, but they didn’t kill him. They simply proved he was indeed the promised Messiah. Here are a few of those predictions the prophets made about Jesus:

1. That he would be born of a virgin—Isaiah 7:14

2. That he would be born in Bethlehem—Micah 5:2

3. That he would be born into the tribe of Judah—Genesis 49:10

4. That his ministry would begin in Galilee—Isaiah 9:1

5. That he would work miracles—Isaiah 35:5, 6

6. That he would teach in parables—Psalm 78:2

7. That he would enter Jerusalem on a donkey—Zechariah 9:9

8. That he would be betrayed by a friend—Psalm 41:9

9. That he would be sold for 30 pieces of silver—Zechariah 11:12

10. That he would be accused by false witnesses—Psalm 35:11

11. That he would be wounded and bruised—Isaiah 53:5

12. That his hands and feet would be pierced—Psalm 22:16

13. That he would be crucified with thieves—Isaiah 53:12

14. That his garments would be torn apart and lots cast for them—Psalm 22:18

15. That his bones would not be broken—Psalm 34:20

16. That his side would be pierced—Zechariah 12:10

17. That he would be buried in a rich man’s tomb—Isaiah 53:9

18. That he would rise from the dead—Psalm 16:10

These are only a few of the hundreds of prophecies about Jesus Christ given by the Old Testament prophets.

B) They did not understand much of what they predicted. I can imagine Isaiah writing “a virgin will conceive and give birth to a son” (Isaiah 7:14) and asking the Lord, “What does that mean?” and the Lord saying, “Don’t worry about it. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” And the same for Ezekiel and Daniel and Micah and Haggai and all the rest of them. Imagine that 25 men are trying to put together a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, but no one has all the pieces and no one has the picture on the front of the box. Add to that that these men don’t work together, and in fact lived hundreds of years apart from each other. That’s what it was like being an Old Testament prophet. David had a few pieces of the puzzle, Isaiah had a few, Daniel had a few, and Zechariah had a few. But no one had all of them. So the prophets shot their “arrows of truth” into the air, knowing only that they would land somewhere out of sight in the distant future.

C) They tried to understand two things. They earnestly studied their own prophecies to try and understand the time and circumstances when they would be fulfilled. They wanted to know the when and the how. Obviously, the later prophets had the benefit of the prophecies given centuries earlier, so they knew more than the earlier prophets did. But try as they might, they never figured it out.

D) They spoke of the suffering and glory of Christ. That is, they uttered prophesies in both categories—predictions of coming suffering (Isaiah 53) and of his coming glory (Isaiah 9:6-7). The order is crucial. Christ must suffer first and then enter into his glory. Jesus said exactly that when he spoke to the two disciples on the road to Emmaus on Easter Sunday, “How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?” (Luke 24:25-26). Though none of the prophets had all the details, they testified that Christ would suffer and then enter his glory. As the prophets looked into the future, they knew God was up to something—they didn’t know what it was. But they knew it involved both suffering and glory for the Messiah. All the prophets, Jesus said, testify to him.

If you want to understand the Bible, look for Jesus! Better to see him on every page than not to see him at all. The Bible is one book with 66 parts—all pointing to Jesus.

He is the Prophet greater than Moses.

He is the Priest greater than Aaron.

He is the King greater than David.

Jesus is the theme of the Bible. The prophets knew he was coming hundreds of years in advance. And they wrote it all down for our benefit. He says that plainly in verse 12. Isaiah would write something down and say to himself, “I don’t know what that means. It must be for someone else.” Micah wrote his message and said, “I don’t understand everything I’ve just written. Part of that must be for someone else.” That “someone else” is us. It was written for our benefit. They did not serve themselves by what they predicted; they served future generations to come. I find enormous encouragement in this thought. Sometimes we may doubt our faith, and we may even be tempted to wonder if what we have believed is true. It’s possible to think, “This is all a fairy tale.” Peter’s answer is very clear: “This has nothing to do with a fairy tale. The story of Jesus doesn’t rest on your changing emotional state.” Christianity isn’t about your feelings. It’s about the written facts of history, the predictions of the prophets that have all come true in the person of Jesus Christ. When you doubt, remember that your doubt does not determine the truth. Doubts come and go. The truth about Jesus Christ stands forever.

II. Preached by the Apostles

What the prophets predicted came true in Jesus Christ. The apostles then took the truth about Jesus and proclaimed it to everyone who would listen. Thus did the church spread across the Roman Empire, and 2,000 years later, to the ends of the earth. Today if you add up all the people who are associated with Christianity in some way, the number totals over two billion. How did it happen? The only explanation is the one given in verse 12. They preached the message the prophets first announced. In this, we learn that preaching is nothing less than declaring what God has already said. Outside the front doors of our church hangs a banner announcing a new sermon series called “God Speaks Today.” We chose that title carefully because it perfectly reflects our emphasis. If people want to know the latest Gallup Poll or what John Kerry thinks or what George W. Bush said yesterday, they can find that information in the Chicago Tribune or on Fox News. If they want the latest sociological research, they can tune in to Oprah. God entrusted to the church the sacred responsibility of taking his Word and proclaiming it to the world. This is an obligation we must not take lightly. When you stand before the Lord, he will ask you, “Did you tell people what I said?” It won’t work in that day to reply, “But Lord, I was afraid of offending people” or “They didn’t want to hear what you had to say.” We aren’t responsible for how people respond to God’s Word, but we are responsible to make sure that they hear it in the first place. Great preaching always begins with, “Thus says the Lord.” If we fail to tell this generation what God says, we will have failed in our central obligation.

Their preaching focused on the Gospel, the Good News of God’s offer of salvation through Jesus Christ. There is a sense in which all true preaching is gospel preaching. If it is not based on the gospel, then preaching soon degenerates into social and political commentary. You don’t come to church to hear four ways to improve your marriage or five steps to financial freedom or three keys to raising happy children. As good as that might be, we need to hear all biblical truth in the context of the gospel message. True preaching is Christ-centered and gospel-saturated. Otherwise, instead of giving Good News, we are just offering good advice.

Finally, note that they preached in the power of the Holy Spirit. Peter mentions the Holy Spirit twice in these three verses. He says it was the “Spirit of Christ” who animated the Old Testament prophets and gave them the prophecies they uttered, and he says that the early Christians proclaimed the gospel in the power of the Holy Spirit. If you want to know the “secret” of the early church, here it is. Without any of the accouterments we consider essential, they reached their world for Jesus. And they did it without buildings or hymnals or pianos or praise bands, without air conditioning, planes, trains or automobiles, without radio or TV, without PowerPoint, and even without the Internet—the Internet! How did they survive without all the high-tech marvels we take for granted? If they had a “secret,” here it is:

They believed the Word of God,

They preached the Gospel of God,

They did it in the Power of God.

That’s a combination that will still work today.

III. Studied by the Angels

The final phrase of our text tells us that angels long to look into the things relating to our salvation. There are two different Greek words here. One means to stand on tiptoe as if you are at the back of a crowd trying to watch a parade. The other means to stoop down. It’s the same word used for Peter and John stopping to look inside the empty tomb on Easter Sunday morning. The angels are so eager to understand God’s grace that they stand on tiptoe and bend down from the battlements of heaven to marvel at the unfolding plan of salvation. This is exactly the reverse of the way we think of it. If I told you that I had a special door that let me look into the realm of the angels, all of you would crowd around to get a glimpse of “the other side.” But the Bible never encourages us to peek into the angelic realm. Here we are told the angels long to look at and understand our salvation. During the Renaissance, a painter named Tintoretto created a beautiful version of the Last Supper. Though Da Vinci’s version is far more popular, Tintoretto’s comes closer to capturing what really happened. He painted the scene from an elevated angle so we see Jesus and his disciples gathered around the table. It appears that Jesus has just said, “This is my body” and “This is my blood.” There is a sense of drama and tension in the painting as the disciples struggle to understand. Above the table, an oil lamp gives off clouds of smoke. Tintoretto painted angels in the smoke, watching from above, their faces strangely curious, as they too marvel at what God the Son is about to do. That’s exactly the idea Peter is driving at.

Why would the angels marvel at our salvation? The answer is clear. There are no “saved” angels because salvation is not for them, but for us. Jesus died to redeem fallen men and women, not the angels. There are elect and non-elect angels; there are good angels and bad angels; there are obedient and disobedient angels, but there are no “saved” angels. Only humans can be saved. Only humans can be redeemed. We alone of all the creatures in the universe can experience the wonders of God’s saving grace. This fascinates the angels and causes them to study and ponder the mysteries of a salvation they do not share.

Here is Peter’s message made plain: God loves you so much, the angels are amazed. They know nothing about grace and mercy and forgiveness. They’ve never experienced new life, the new birth, regeneration, the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, or the wonder of deliverance from sin. That which we have experienced in Jesus Christ, the angels never knew and will never know. We are far more privileged than they.

Think of what we have seen and experienced:

A drug dealer who becomes a missionary.

A blasphemer who becomes a worshiper of God.

A criminal who becomes a law-abiding citizen.

A reprobate who becomes a child of God.

Here is our greatest sin—taking for granted what God has done for us. Those things that cause the angels to rejoice (even one sinner who comes to repentance—Luke 15:10), makes us bored stiff. But when you are bored with God, even heaven doesn’t have a better alternative.

If we stand back, we can see the whole passage clearly:

What the prophets predicted but could not understand …

What the angels wonder at but never experience …

We understand and experience every single day.

We are thus more blessed and more privileged than the prophets or the angels! We live in the time of prophetic fulfillment. We have privileges even the angels don’t have. We are privileged beyond our dreams.

Three Take-Home Truths

Let’s wrap everything up with three concluding points. What should we take away from this amazing text?

A) Jesus is the meaning of history. History truly is His Story. History is not about men and nations, the movement of armies, and the rise and fall of empires. It’s not about building or buying or getting. History is not the story of who’s winning and who’s losing. History is not about who wins the election in November—as important as that is to most of us. History is about Jesus Christ! How do I know this? Because when he was born, he split history in two—into BC and AD! Every time unbelievers say 2004, they unknowingly confess the supremacy of our Lord. History is all about Jesus, and apart from him, history has no meaning.

B) Salvation is the purpose of history. I don’t just mean salvation in the limited sense of you coming to Christ. I mean salvation in the larger sense of all that God intends to do to bring deliverance to this sin-cursed planet. Salvation is the story of the greatest rescue mission in the history of the universe. It’s about God sending his Son to redeem a rebel race, at the cost of his own Son, and then offering forgiveness and freedom to all who will believe in him. And it’s about God’s plan to establish the church around the world as a means of bringing the light into the darkness. That great drama of salvation will come to its appointed culmination when Jesus returns to the earth, establishes his throne in Jerusalem, reigns for 1000 years, and then gives his kingdom up to the Father and reigns with him forever and ever. And as I thought about this, my heart raced to the words of Handel’s Messiah:

And he shall reign forever and ever.

Forever and ever,

King of King, and Lord of Lords.

And he shall reign forever and ever.

Forever and ever, Hallelujah!

C) We are therefore the most blessed people in history. We know things the prophets never knew. We experience salvation the angels never experience. We know Jesus Christ, and therefore we understand history in a way that is lost to the people of the world.

If these things are true, then you will never understand the universe or your place in it, until you take Jesus and plant him squarely at the center of your existence. As long as you ignore the Lord, or keep him at the edges of your life, nothing will make sense. You won’t understand who you are, or why you are here, or who God is, or why the world is the way it is. Until Jesus takes his rightful place at the center of your life, everything else will be out of whack for you. Nothing will work right because you’ve missed the central truth of the universe.

Jesus said to his disciples once, "Blessed are your eyes because they see; and your ears, because they hear. For truly I say to you, that many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you see, and did not see it; and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it" (Matthew 13:16-17).

Feel free to use the comment box for your questions and contribution.

References

www.Keepbelieving.com

WEIGH YOUR OPTIONS AND CHOOSE RIGHTLY

Sometimes love comes knocking at the most inopportune times. In which case, you may find yourself loving more than one person at the same time. Both are smart, good looking, God fearing, fun to be with and genuinely good. You wisely continued to maintain both relationships hoping it would become clear who to settle down with but to your surprise, no shining epiphany is coming through instead you find that both are for real. 

When it comes to choosing between multiple crushes, you should make a proper and informed decision. Whether a person is the best fit for you or not is undoubtedly one of the most important decisions of your life because your future depends on it. No one can actually complete you; you just need someone that can accept you completely.

In fact, it can be fun to have multiple crushes or have several guys wanting to date you. The difficult part is weighing all of your great options and just picking one person to share and build a life with. For anyone who’s been in this boat or who’s currently in this boat, the challenge is real. It’s overwhelming, and the stakes can seem quite high. How do you manage the process? Keep in mind that you don’t necessarily need to rush into making a choice, even if you feel the clock is ticking. Don’t try to force something if it’s not quite the right fit just because you want to keep moving forward. You may not be stuck between two men or two ladies but maybe you’re trying to decide what the future holds with one of them. It happens at times that people are overtaken by emotions of love, bliss, and happiness and lose the sense of reason and practicality when making a decision to spend their entire lives with one person. However, a few years down the line, reality sets in and they come to the realization that they are not compatible with their partners. This is a situation that can be avoided. Also, it is never a good idea to build a relationship based on fear, insecurity, or pity because it is an unhealthy one. After a while, unhappiness begins to fester, resentment crops up, and the relationship runs its course.

Inasmuch as prayer is the most appropriate thing to do, I like you to let things evolve organically by listening to your heart, and at the same time using your head rather than getting swayed by emotions. Take both of them off your mind at the moment and try to calibrate your internal compass. Ask yourself what you really need and try to weigh your options. Ensure that this simple exercise of self-talk is not based on competition with your friends, fear, greed, and lust. You must note that your choice is not binary, nor is it permanent. Yes, you love more than one person but that doesn’t mean that these are the only people on the planet.

Knowing what kind of man or lady works best with you comes from a deep sense of knowing who you are, which allows you to know what you want. You must take your time because it’s a painful decision to make. One of the biggest challenges is that you don’t want to hurt the other person when you finally make your choice.

If this is beyond you, don’t hesitate to seek help by sending us a message.

You can share your experience here with us on how you handled a similar situation.

I AM SO LOSING MY MIND

Do you really worry to the point of losing sleep at night, develop stomach ulcer, or high blood pressure? I'm not sure you have checked your BP in a long while. You stay up late at night rolling on your bed with no sleep in your eyes, suddenly, you find yourself trying to suppress your worries by scrolling through Facebook, visiting pornographic sites, masturbating, taking drugs and so on. Unfortunately, all of these channels you are using in an attempt to suppress your worries turn out to be the virus that is gradually shutting down your immune system unknown to you. Too much Worry leads to all kind of health problems ranging from depression, dementia and so on.

Worry arises because you realize that you cannot predict what is going to happen tomorrow and know that you cannot have full control over how events turn out. You are uncomfortable with not having absolute certainty. You fret over the same details repeatedly.

Are you worried because you bed-wet? have a poor erection? uncontrolled temperament? smelling breath? the wrinkles on your face? uncontrolled sex drive? Pressure from parents to get married? Your looks? Sometimes no matter how hard you try, nobody recognises your effort.

When you Worry too much you deny yourself the opportunity of living your moment in freedom. It affects how you relate to yourself and others, stifles your relationship with God and interferes with your mental, physical and spiritual stability. Instead of suppressing your worries, you need to face them head-on.

Whatsoever is responsible for your worries, I like you to know that you are not alone dear. Its not enough to just tell you to let go and cast your anxiety unto the Lord, we need to walk you through it so please do send us message or connect with our "listening command center" via Whatsapp 08058154652 and have the privilege of speaking with Edgar T.A. Your healing begins the moment we receive your message. 

We are winning together!!

4 Critical Relationship Problems Solved

Problem #1: Jealousy

Jealousy is one of those emotions that eat you from the inside if not handled in the right manner. So, how do you manage your jealousy so that it does not affect your emotional state or your long distance relationship?

Well, the first thing to understand is that jealousy is an instinct that we humans have to protect us from losing the person we love. So, it is totally natural to feel jealous and it’s totally natural to express your jealousy too.

Now, the question is how to express jealousy in the right manner? And the simple answer to this question is that we want to be reasonable about it. We want to avoid the two extremes: ignorance and neediness.

We want to let our partner know when we feel jealous and clarify it together so that it does not “boil” inside your mind. Therefore doing that, instead of trying to repress the feeling, or become over controlling and aggressive as a result.

Now, one more thing to keep in mind is that in a healthy relationship, your partner should avoid as much as possible the situations that could make you jealous. Therefore you need to let your partner know that jealousy is not your favorite emotion, and it’s better for the relationship if she avoids potential jealousy situations.

So, do not repress your jealousy, but express it and clarify it in a calm and collected manner with your partner. But take care; jealousy can also be a symptom of you being too insecure about yourself. In this case, you need to deal first with your insecurities and then the jealousy will be diminishing as a result.

Read the full article for a more comprehensive explanation of how to deal with jealousy: Learn how to overcome jealousy

Problem #2. Constant Fight

We all know that fights and arguments are normal in a relationship. But are they normal when they happen too often and when they lead to a lot of stress and worries? …I believe not!

So, how do we deal with long distance relationship fights in a way that does not make us stressed and restless?

From my experience dealing with fights successfully is all about seeing things from a different perspective than we usually do.

It’s not a war. When we normally start an argument we see each other as two opponents that have an issue to “debate”. Therefore we get angry, maybe yell at each other, blame each other and we forget that we actually have a relationship and that we love each other.

We tend to focus on bringing the right arguments, finding excuses etc. and forget that we are actually in a relationship, and we want to be happy, both of us want that.

So the idea here is: when you’re having an argument to remember that you are both on the same side, it’s not a war, it’s your relationship and the real enemy is the conflict itself, not your partner. Thus you want to work on solving the conflict together rather than blaming each other.

Another piece of advice that I can give you is clarifying a problem or conflict when it arises.Unless is too late in the evening and you’re both tired and can’t think rationally anymore, never end a conversation without clarifying a conflict.

This is important because you don’t want to leave a conflict “in the air” and let it affect both of you for a longer period of time than necessary. As soon as a problem arises, talk it through and don’t end the conversation until you’re both on the same page and things are back to normal.

Problem #3. Fear of Infidelity

And I saved the best for the last. “I am afraid that she’ll fall for someone else!” Or “I am afraid that she’ll cheat on me, and I can’t control it!”

That’s what I hear your “little inner voice” screaming in your head any time you feel a bit insecure.

And you’re not alone. Plus it’s totally normal to feel this way when you're far away from your girlfriend. (by the way, she probably feels the same too) Now how do we deal with the fear of infidelity and how do we make sure to keep her faithful? (million dollar question)

Well from my experience, keeping a woman faithful comes down to two basic principles: “freedom of choice” and “minimizing temptation”. What do they mean?

Freedom of choice.

People tend to like doing what they are told NOT to.

What Freedom of Choice means is that you never force your girl to stay faithful, just the opposite, you give her the freedom to cheat if she feels like it, if she thinks that this what she wants.

But only as long as she takes responsibility for her actions and for the fact that your relationship will end after that. This is a powerful way of dealing with the infidelity issue because it puts the choice in her hands.

It gives her the freedom to do what she wants and does not force her to behave in a specific way.

It’s not you who keeps her from dating, sleeping with other guys, it's herself that decides not to do it because she wants to be with you.

Minimizing Temptation.

This means creating all the conditions so that infidelity would be very unlikely to happen. Would you be more likely to eat a hamburger if you were hungry and the hamburger was in front of you? Or if you had no hamburger what so ever around?

So, you want to make sure that your girlfriend avoids as much as possible putting herself in situations that could potentially lead to infidelity and/or basically creating all the conditions for infidelity NOT to happen.

Problem #4. Uncertainty

To read more about this click here: Learn to cope with uncertainty

The Only Way To Overcome Jealousy!

The Only Way To Overcome Jealousy!

Here’s the reality:  excessive jealousy is poison for a relationship. It can really turn to ashes an otherwise perfect relationship.

I’ve seen hundreds of women say:

“I love him so much, he’s the man of my dreams and I’d never cheat on him, but he’s just so jealous, I simply can’t take it anymore!” 

However the funny and also confusing thing about jealousy is that the guy, for example, tends to accuse his girlfriend of making him jealous, while his girlfriend tends to accuse him of being too crazy and insecure about himself.

So the question is – Whose fault it is?

And my answer would be – both and nobody’s.

I believe that there are 2 sources of jealousy:

1. Our partner’s behavior, and
2. Our own fears and insecurities.

My philosophy on jealousy is that our partner’s behavior is the main trigger for jealousy, while our fears and insecurities are what usually amplify and constantly revive the emotion of jealousy.

And the good news is that no matter what the source of jealousy is, it can be controlled and expressed in a healthy and non aggressive way when we understand the mechanism behind it.

Therefore, from my perspective we can approach the idea of overcoming jealousy from three key angles.

3 Keys to Overcoming Jealousy

1. First of all, creating a foundation in your relationship for jealousy to be less frequent, which I’ll call “working on your partner”.

This step includes, among other things, getting on the same page with your partner that jealousy is a natural instinct that all humans have, and that she has a certain role to play as well in how much jealous you are. Therefore, for both of you to have a happy relationship it’s important that she avoids as much as possible giving you reasons to be jealous.

2. Second of all, dealing with your own fears and insecurities, which I’ll call “working on yourself”.

Here, you want to become more self-confident through the help of the right exercises; then you want to stop comparing yourself to other men; you also want to understand human nature and the fact that your girlfriend needs to socialize with other people (yes, even with men), and that she’ll also like other guys too because we humans like and appreciate beauty in all of its forms – but this doesn’t mean that we don’t appreciate the person we have a relationship with.

3. And third of all, learning how to control the aggressive impulse of jealousy and how to express jealousy in a mature and healthy way when we feel it, which I’ll call “working on jealousy” itself.

The truth is that no matter how much we’ll work on our partner and on ourselves, there will still be times, fewer and less intense, though, when we’ll feel jealous – because it’s part of being human. And in those moments it’s important to know how to let go of jealousy. A good rule of thumb that I could give you is the following:

Question your jealousy first, before you question your partner!

When you approach the issue of overcoming jealousy from these 3 KEY angles you’ll take the green eyed jealousy monster by it’s tale and kick it out of your love life for good!

Butterflies in Your Stomach: Season 1

Many of us are familiar with the term anxiety. It is a feeling of unease, such as worry, fear or nervousness that can be mild or severe typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome such as saying yes to that handsome guy’s marital or dating proposal. Relationships are one of those situations where the variables are unpredictable. We can never know for sure what the future holds. We have many hopes, ideas, expectations of what this journey of love with another person may bring, but we can’t know or predict any of these outcomes with absolute confidence hence we express fear which often plaques our confidence to stay faithful with one lover. It is the cause of double-dating game, therefore, it is important to learn how to tolerate and cope with the foreign irritant known as uncertainty so you won’t become lost in an attempt at enforcing certainty.

The butterflies in our stomach cause us to have more than likely thought about any number of the following: “am I enough?”, “will you still love me if…?”, “what if I open up to you and you decide to leave?”, “what if I get hurt or rejected?” what if I get killed? What if you get broke or lose your job tomorrow? All of which have no definite guarantee or answer. Relationships require work, risk, and vulnerability.

You can learn to cope with uncertainty by:

1. Learning about Yourself. This is an enlightening experience that exposes you to your unique self, not a borrowed self-premised on faking a story about what you are not. In learning about yourself you become self-sufficient and confident. To learn about yourself visit our listening command center via Whatsapp 08058154652

 2. You must trust an Unknown future to a Known God that controls the unknown. His name is Jesus Christ. Never underestimate the place of prayer and moment spent with Him.

3. Focus on what you can control: anxiety pushes us to automatically put on our mental magnifying glass to search for all of the possible negative outcomes. We end up focusing on questions like “What if he or she suddenly stop liking me?”, “What if he or she leaves?”… etc, generally focusing on worst-case outcomes that leave us frightened, insecure and ultimately forces us to put on an unreal self. When you shift your focus to what you can control, you regain your power in the situation. You are no longer a helpless passenger on a rollercoaster ride; you become the driver and have the ability to accelerate, slow down or go a different route.  Things you can control in a relationship include:

·     How much you share about yourself and when (sharing too much too soon can progress things too quickly)

·         How quickly you become sexually involved. You shouldn’t even engage in pre-marital sex.

·         How much time you spend thinking about the person (constantly dwelling on hopes and expectations can rob your objectivity and your power)

·         Maintaining your own sense of self (keeping up with your own life, activities, etc.)

4. Learning how to take calculated risks: When getting to know someone it is helpful to assess the risk of opening your heart. For me, a risk assessment contains some of these questions:

·         Are they looking for commitment?

·         Do they have the same values as me?

·         Are they dependable/reliable?

·         Are they emotionally available/ present?

·         Are previous relationships still present in their life?

·         Do they respect the speed I am willing to go in the relationship?

·         Are we compatible?

If there are many negative responses to this risk assessment, I may decide that it is too risky for me to continue in the relationship. If most responses are positive but I am unsure about one or two areas then I may proceed with caution. You may assess risk differently; nevertheless, it is important not to gamble with your heart. Make sure to size up your opponent to determine what your next move should be.

5. Focusing on realistic outcomes:

I find people either have overly optimistic or overly pessimistic ideas about how a relationship will play out. We either place all of our hopes and expectations on the new relationship or sabotage ourselves by expecting the worst-case outcome. Both can be equally detrimental and have huge effects on our approach and ability to cope when things don’t go as expected. The solution is to try to take a realistic approach to relationships.

Realistically:

You won’t be compatible with everyone. Just because you aren’t compatible with someone doesn’t mean you aren’t loveable or won’t find love. Not all relationships end in disaster. Not all relationships result in marriage. Your past relationships don’t have to determine the outcome of your future relationships.

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It's Dead

Your past hurts, and broken relationships do not have the right to thrive in your present.

Expensive Wedding Yet Married To The Wrong Person

Expensive Wedding yet Married To the Wrong Person}

Gen 29:11: And Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept.

Jacob was in the well when he first saw Rachael. The first time Jacob met Rachael, he wept. Why? Jacob saw in Rachel what Adam saw, ‘Bone of his Bones’, ‘flesh of his flesh’, his perfect match from heaven. Jacob loved Rachel thus he decided to serve 7 years for her. After the 7 years Jacob asks Laban to give her Rachael but in the evening Laban brought Leah to Jacob and, without knowing its Leah, he went into her. In the morning, Jacob woke up to find that it is Leah he has married. He realized he has got the wrong woman, the wrong spouse.

It’s so disheartening when your morning comes only to find that you married the wrong person so to say after having a flamboyant wedding. The next day divorce will start ringing on your head like the early morning bird chirping near the window. Perhaps your sudden discovery of being married to the wrong person may have been occasioned by unattended misunderstanding that has resulted to multiple problems. And at this time you’ve more than likely thought about any number of the following:
What if I married one of my ex’s instead of my spouse?  What would life be like with a working class? What if I had married someone with more of the same recreational interests as me? If only I hadn’t felt pressure from my family to get married. If only I hadn’t gotten married so young. If only I hadn’t gotten my wife pregnant, I could have left her. If only I haven’t gotten pregnant, I could have left him. If only my spouse gave me compliments the way other men or women do. If only my spouse had more of a sex drive. If only I had married someone who was more attractive. If only I had married someone who kept themselves in better shape. If only I was single so I could flirt with and pursue this other man or woman.  If only I was single so I could manage my house, schedule, and finances the way I want. If only I had listened to my friend. The list could go on and on.

The truth is that none of these thoughts you are having are real!  Each one is a fantasy, a false reality.  Each time you ask those questions, you are only depriving your actual reality of much needed attention and investment. And even if you acted on one of your fantasies, making it actually real, it would come with deadly consequences and pain. Acting on these questions is acting as if time travel is real.

The deception beneath all these fantasies is we allowed our challenges to cast fear in our heart which eventually forces us to be convinced we married the wrong person.  The truth we must realize is that marriage is not about marrying the right person, it is about being the right person.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman say when you choose whom you will marry, you are choosing the set of perpetual problems you want to deal with for the next 50 years. You could have an affair or get divorced and marry someone else and you’d simply be marrying a different set of perpetual problems.

Marital challenges are as much a part of marriage as wedding rings and anniversaries are. When we say we married the wrong person, we are only saying that because we finally discovered our spouse couldn’t give us what only Jesus can! There is no such thing as marrying the wrong person.  There is only marrying the person you married!  Love them and invest in them. And when it feels like you’ve married the wrong person, convince yourself of the Love that binds you both. That husband or wife you have awakened to realize she/he is the wrong person you married, the time you married her/him God approved it as your perfect heavenly husband or wife. This is because the two of you have become one flesh and God looks at the two of you and says, ‘perfect’.

The Marriage of Jacob to supposed wrong wife (Leah) gave birth to Judah from whom came Jesus. Even when Jacob died he asked to be buried near Leah (the supposed wrong wife) instead of Rachael. Something good can still be seen in Nazareth.

Nevertheless there are marriages that are doomed and no matter what happens, it will end and never be healed. On the other hand, for many years I’ve seen the healing of marriages that seemingly everyone else has given up on.
Good people sometimes do really stupid things. However, if at heart they are good people, it therefore means they are worth rescuing. It’s your choice, of course, and you can either save your marriage or let it go. Or, if he or she is a good person involved in a bad situation, you can fight to save your marriage. Our experience is that if a good person gets straightened out, not only can the marriage be saved, but it can be stronger and more loving than it was before.

Embrace your marriage, honour and love your spouse despite imperfections. The grass is not greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. Spice up your love story.


Maybe you are in an abusive relationship and have tried all means necessary to restoring your love story and it is not working, feel free to drop your comment and have the privilege of talking with Edgar T.A. He will assist you on what to do. Your Peace is his concern.

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